I’m a girl who thought she had it all planned out. Finishing high school in three years, going to college, & was going to marry a Christian man (my high school love & dream guy). Then within the blink of an eye, my world was turned upside down. Before I knew it I was living in College Station, TX with a guy that wanted me, so I gave him the wrong part of me (In hopes that it would lead to love). I was wrong! I found myself alone and homesick but too ashamed to even think of going home. So I continued down this path of what I thought life was. The pain continued, so did the wrong choices. After meeting a new guy and making a few more mistakes I thought I had it figured out this time. So I moved to Houston, TX with my boyfriend and lived with him. When that wasn’t working, I realized what had been missing- church. During this time I had not been going to church. So I talked my boyfriend into going to church with me. I thought that would solve all of my problems, make the pain go away, and give me joy again. Church gave me joy, but it didn’t solve the problem and it didn’t take the pain away at all. After a couple of more years of church and Sunday school my boyfriend and I decided to get married. I was sure that this would fix everything. To my hearts dismay it didn’t, so we struggled through our first year of marriage then our second. Now we are members of our church and attending Sunday school classes. But still there were hurts and painful questions my heart was still battling with. We decided to try and have a baby. Nothing happened for a couple of years, I was still hurting and in pain on the inside. Unable to understand what was wrong, I was also unable to talk to my husband. I felt more alone and in so much pain each year that went by. My husband and I were entering a new chapter in our lives together, and we started a ministry in our community. We were very happy, but my heart still ached inside. So I started looking at my past and my walk with the Christ. I started to realize that something still wasn’t right in my heart. I struggled with this for a year, until May 16, 2007 when my mom handed me a little book and asked me to read it. It was called “A Parable About the King”. After reading this story, I know what I had done, and why I had so much pain & hurt in my heart. I had run away from HOME & acted just like them (the world). I had gotten dirty. I felt too much shame to go home, because of what I had done. But through that story, I was able to understand that even though I had acted like them (the world), I was the daughter of the King & He loves me. No matter what! I was able to pray and ask God to forgive me and to help heal my heart. He welcomed me home with open arms & released me from my questions & pain. I began the journey of truly healing, and building a strong relationship with my heavenly father. Months later I became pregnant with my first child. I thought this was a sign of healing and a new start on life. I soon found out that the Lord had another plan for my sweet child, and I had a miscarriage. I knew that the Lord was in control and that He knew the plan for me. After grieving the loss of my first child, I became at peace knowing that my heavenly father was taking care of our child and that He was in control of my life. Before I knew it, a couple of months had past and I found myself pregnant again. Within weeks I had another miscarriage. I couldn’t understand why this was happing to me. I then found myself full-fledged into the holidays and a new year right around the corner. I also found myself a little depressed and still more questions then answers. I then started to look for a women’s bible study at our church. I hadn’t found anything, then one day I came across a bible study called “Hannah’s Hope; for women struggling with infertility. I didn’t think that I had an infertility problem. But for some reason I just felt drawn to the class, so I signed up. What a God Blessing. The Lord knew where I needed to be. He wanted to teach me so many things. The biggest & best thing I have learned from this is the meaning of “TRUE LOVE”! God loved me so much before I was even thought of that He gave His only son for me, so He could save the world. I’m praying for a baby, which is one of my life’s dreams. To be given my dream child & then have to give up my child, would break my heart, I couldn’t do it. But God DID JUST THAT for me and you. How incredible is that! I’m so thankful, because he gave his only son for me! I was able to come home to my heavenly father after so many wrong choices. He opened the front door & scooped me up in his strong arms & said, “ I love you my princess & it doesn’t matter that you acted like them. You are my princess always. I will always open the door every time you knock!I hope that in some way, through this blog, you will find the need for you’re heavenly father. He is waiting to open the door for you. All you have to do is go home. Nothing you have done is too bad for Him not to love you. I would not have been able to make it through these past eight years without my heavenly father. I hope that you will join me in my journey through life as I share it with you on this blog. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
